The Family Disease
It’s natural to care for the members of one’s family—even more so when a child, sibling or parent is experiencing difficulties coping with life. When that person chooses alcohol or drugs as a way to cope, the rest of the family becomes enmeshed in a cycle known as “codependency.” Their actions become focused on the user, while their own feelings and desires are gradually “swept under the rug” and ignored.
Here are some warning signs of codependency that may be showing up in your family:
Denying there’s a problem.
- Sure, the person might have a “few beers” now and then, or “party” a little, but it’s just a phase he or she is going through.
- He or she works so hard, the user just needs to “blow off some steam.”
- The parent doesn’t want to be hypocritical about drug use, because he or she used drugs years ago and “I turned out OK.”
If no one takes the initiative to break the cycle of denial, the addict/alcoholic’s behavior may continue to escalate out of control to such a degree that denial ceases to be possible: sooner or later there will be a loss of a job, health crisis, arrest for drunk driving—or worse.
Enabling the alcoholic/addict.
- Trying to be helpful, family members “cover” for the alcoholic/addict when he or she is too drunk or high to go to work or school.
- The children take on inappropriate adult responsibilities, since Mom or Dad can’t be depended on to pick them up at school, make dinner or help them with their homework.
- No one says anything about the addict/alcoholic’s irresponsible or harmful behavior.
In all these situations, the underlying intent may be to help the addict/alcoholic. But these coping mechanisms by family members allow the user to avoid the consequences of his or her negative behavior. Until the alcoholic/addict is forced to accept the extent of the addiction, the false hope that all these problems can somehow be “managed” will keep the user from taking action.
Finding new ways to cope with the addict/alcoholic’s behavior, and more constructive ways for the family members to support one another, is what you’ll find at Family Recovery.